I am not sure how to put into words, or describe the feelings I have been having lately. They have been almost all consuming. I write this post in hopes that any others out there can either help or not feel alone.
Lately I get these dark overwhelming feelings like my child is going to be taken from me.
I see on the news over and over about the many kidnappings, kids sold into sex slavery, murders, etc. Can there be an etc? Seems sick doesn’t it? I feel this news is more prominent than ever.
While putting Dax down for his nap, I laid with him in his crib (he is now climbing out about 10-14x per sleep) and I started to cry. It hit me like a wave, curling from one side of my body to another. What if someone took him?
“Would he fall asleep next to a stranger?” “Would he cry out for me if someone tired?”
I don’t quite understand why I keep having these fears. I really want them to go away. I cannot fathom any of my children being taken away from me. I cannot comprehend how the parents of those whom this has happened to, in any circumstance has continued to live life. Its haunting, its so scary and its eating me up.
I feel like I am getting major anxiety over it. When we go in public places, my anxiety level is an all time high. It can take one second. ONE. Dax is so free loving and independent, it haunts me that I would never hear a cry out if a stranger wisked him away.
I fear that these feelings never go away. As a mother, your primal instinct is to protect your kids/family. As they get older even more scary the scenarios seem to be that something could go bad.
I want to know. How do you cope? How do you not turn into a crazy person who stays locked in your house? Do you have the same fears? I feel like the only thing that helps me is prayers.
Jon Bovi was right when he sang “livin on a prayer”
Photos by Preston Portraits
Troys outfit c/o Little Me