You know how you get really excited for the new year? Take all your Christmas decorations down on the 1st. Break out your planner- write in PEN your goals, to do lists, work schedule and workout plan and feel like “I got this” HA!
HA! said the universe.
First let me say that the holiday was good. I loved seeing my sweet Dax get a little shy as we walked him into the living room to see his kitchen and toys. I got to open my Apple Watch on Christmas eve. I made delicious french toast and bacon. We went to church, spent some quality time with the families that were in town. It was good.
Until it wasn’t. I think we all go through a hard kick in the face after the magic is gone. The clean up, the dismantle, the bills, and then even the family all slowly stresses you out. Well, for me it does.
Both my kids kept getting sick and then better, then sick again. It doesn’t help when pretty much the rest of the world is sick too. So lets queue back to this week. Troy has been uncommonly fussy, not sleeping, not napping, not eating and as a mother I KNEW something was wrong. So me and the rest of the people insured by Kaiser San Diego needed to see the Dr. the day after the holiday. Luckily I got him in Asap and found out little man has an ear infection and sore throat. That explains the ZERO sleep I got the night before. Dax had a mild fever last night but this morning woke in good spirits and no fever.
I have been surprised by how well I have been handling the constant wake ups since troy has been born. I was handling the lack of sleep like a pro. Diet coke everyday at about 12pm helped. But this past week I have had literal break downs. Constant face time with my mom as support. Crying every hour, and questioning why I ever decided to have kids.
Its selfish right now as I type this, but I know that every mother no matter how badly she wanted children or didn’t has that thought in her brain. Exhaustion can REALLY screw up even the most optimistic and happy people.
I love my babies, I love my little life but lately I’ve been begging my mom everyday to come save me. Yelling at my husband for not breathing correctly. Mad at the Real Housewives of BeverlyHills because their show is so boring I can’t even numb out to their funny trash. Its horrible.
I woke up today a little better. Obviously, I am writing an actual blog post. I may even shower today. I was able to eat a warm breakfast. Troy was nice to me this morning, Dax is quietly watching Curious George and I am enjoying my Diet Coke three hours early. Its bliss.
If anyone actually reads this blog anymore, I just want the perception of a perfect life gone. These pretty pictures you see below are staged and taken in full make up and hair (usually after church) but I am a total wreck and smell like spit up and burnt toast. My kids trash my house and I swear a lot (in my head). I complain and I am really trying to see the good in the crappy days, we all are.
So heres to 2017! Thanks seriously for reading, supporting and being my digital friend!